Sew Buttons

Well I don't know how long its been since I posted the last blog post, but so many things have changed. Everything is pretty ugly now, we have managed to mess up two relationships, bring insecurity into everyone's hearts, right along with a burning, terrible, hurt.

Nothing is fair in love and war.

WAR.

That is what its been like lately, everyone playing with everyone's emotions, everyone trying to pull back from the situation and in doing so are only causing more hurt. How can you go to telling someone you love them one day, calling them sweetie, kissing and touching all the time, then the next day just be like oh I think we need to be just "friends" for awhile.

WHATEVER!

You want to be my friend?? Then don't treat me differently, don't act like I am not important to you, and when I return the favor by ignoring you right back, don't go even further the other way. I pulled back because I am hurt like hell, I don't know how to deal with all these feelings I have for someone else who I should not have, espesically when this person isnt a talker! I am a TALKER. I NEED to talk things out, need to understand peoples motivies for thier behavior.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend is just waiting the situation out, hoping she will get to be with her again. They are still talking like nothing is wrong between them. I feel VERY left out. But that is how I always feel with them.

Meanwhile, I am lonely and confused and I dont know if things will EVER be the same with my girlfiend again! I am trying to deal with all the other cans of worms dumped in my lap since this all began.

Am I sorry? Hell no. I wouldnt trade the experinece for the world, and I think I have been made to grow up a lot and have learned so much.
Do I wish this were different? Yes.
Do I hope things go back to the way they were before? Yes.
Do I hope they don't? Maybe.

I don't even know what to think or feel anymore.